Loss, Pain, and God's Faithfulness

Since I heard the news of the tragic loss of Terry and Juanita Stauffer's precious daughter, Emily, I have not been able to stop thinking about how they must be feeling and also reliving the death of my daughter, Kadence, 9 years ago. I am writing this post for my own outlet; I don't mind you sharing my thoughts, but this is personal reflection and not meant to detract from the pain of the Stauffers at this time, or to say that my feelings are more important than anyone else's who has gone through the loss of a loved one.

One thing I have learned from my experience is that the pain itself never really goes away; it dimishes in strength for the most part, to a dull ache, but you never get over it. We keep the ashes of Kadence on our television set and I am reminded of her daily. Some days I look at her urn and smile, remembering her smile and her laugh, the times we would nap together, the time I had her all to myself for a day and we went to the Street Performers and enjoyed the stares that a newborn baby gets from strangers. Other days, days like today, I sit and cry for a while and wonder what she would be like if she were still alive, about all the good times we never got to have, about her not getting a chance to grow up and have kids of her own. I miss her and that will never go away. But I am thankful for the time I had with her and would not have traded that for all the pain that I have felt.

The pain subsides and God's faithfulness increases as I continue to lean on Him and his promise that I will meet Kadence again one day in a place where no one ever dies, or hurts or loses a loved one, a place where there is no pain or tears.

When Kadence died it opened my eyes to the reality that you just never know how long you will have someone with you. It made me realize that I should live every day like it could be my last, or someone else's last. This is a realization that all too often fades as the world continues to move all around me, and in times like these, when I am reminded of how fragile our lives really are, it makes me thankful that I have a second chance to remember.

One never really gets back to their life as it was before. My wife and I always said that we had to make a new life, because the life we had with Kadence is gone; we can't get it back; all we can do is go forward and create a new life with what God has given us. That can be a tough thing to do, but God is faithful. He is with us always. I'm not sure how people go through life in general, and times like these in particular, without a faith in God. Terry said on his blog, and was quoted in the Edmonton Journal, that "We are realizing from the inside the value of good, Gospel theology right now (http://newlumps.blogspot.com/). I don't know for certain his thoughts on this idea, but these are mine: Without a personal knowlege of and relationship with God I don't know how people survive pain and loss. I'm not certain who all reads my blog but if you have been brought to this page and read this far and do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ I urge you to contact me or a local pastor to find out how you can have a relationship with Him, because when it comes right down to it, that's all that really matters in life.

Our thoughts and prayers go out to the Stauffer family at this time and to anyone who has suffered the loss of a loved one. May God's strength lift you up and sustain you as you continue to follow in his steps. God bless you all.

Shooting Blanks

Well, an update on my surgery at the beginning of summer: according to the woman who answered the phone at my doctor's office (not sure the correct label--nurse?) I am shooting blanks. Her words not mine.

After being asked if the result made me feel a little sad I responded with a resounding NO! I can admit that undertaking the operation itself made me feel a little sad, but at this point I am ecstatic that all that pain and discomfort was not for nothing. So I guess that's it. For those of you wishing Jen and I would have more kids I guess you'll need to start praying that the procedure reverses itself.

Hello Sick People

Since I have only had two people leave a vote on the poll, one to hear more about English lessons and one saying it's my blog, I figured I would pass on some Englishy things that I find interesting. Here's one.

Today we watched an episode of House in L.A. 9. House is an excellent example of the process we use to create something. First, we find a way to make the creation interesting--something we want to do For those of you who have seen the show you'll know that House rarely accepts a case that he doesn't find interesting. Likewise, we rarely like doing things we find boring, and often do a poor job of it when we have to. Second, we do some research about what we are creating. House, or rather his underlings, takes a medical history, run tests, MRI's, break into houses, etc. Third, we create the thing. House treats his patient for what he thinks is the cause. Fourth we evaluate our creation to see how to improve it. House doesn't just send his patients home; he evaluates whether or not the treatment is working (which it never does until the last 5 minutes). Fifth, we consult others to improve it. House discusses the case with his team, doctor friends, and whoever else he needs to to get the answers he needs. Sixth, we recreate the thing using our ideas for improvement. House continues to come up with treatments until he finds the one that actually works perfectly. We need to continue to recreate our writing until we have it just right. While the order may vary some and we may do more than one draft, this is the creation process we all use to produce something of quality--a building design, a new recipe, a cure for a disease (House), or a piece of writing (L.A. class). The list goes on and on for anything we want to create and do a good job with. And that's today's English lesson.



This video made me think of the sickness going around our house and why I'm not a fan of going to the doctor.

You want me to drink what?!?

Continuing on with risk taking, it is interesting to stop and think of all the wonderful things we have because someone was willing to take a risk. Below is a quote from Calvin and Hobbes that I think helps to make my point and may encourage you to try something new. I used this quote in my classes today as the quote for the day. Every day there is a quote on the board for the students to copy out and respond to. It helps students come into class and get focused, has them start considering ideas from others, and enables them to analyze the quote and respond. We then take a minute to share their thoughts which is also important in an English class.

The quote for today was from Calvin and Hobbes and went like this:

"Who was the first guy that took a look at a cow and said, 'I think I'll drink whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze them?'"

Sometimes trying new things, even things that others might think are odd, can lead to something good. Without a brave soul to first taste the stuff squeezed out of a cow we would not have things like yogurt, milkshakes, cheese, ice cream, and, well, milk. What else might we miss out on if people did not take risks and try new things.

Students were asked to make a post using this quote and to research and comment on a weird but cool invention. In my search to do the same I came across some interesting products. Here is one of my favorites and the site I got it from (with a lot more cool inventions).

Cup and Cookies

You can view this invention and other neat ones at http://www.fwdemails.com/2007/11/24/cool-inventions/

The comment on this invention, by the author of the site, asked how you prevent having the cookies fall out when you drink. I think it is fairly obvious that you simply drink from the side where the cookies aren't. This way the cookies face up instead of down.

If you like cookies and coffee (which I personally really don't) then this is the coffee cup for you.

The Sickness

Over the last week our household has been hit pretty hard with a nasty cold . . . or something. Last Thursday I woke up with a sore throat. By Friday I had difficulty swallowing. It quickly made its way into the sinuses caused headaches and dizziness. I was sore all over and exhausted.

I hate getting sick. On Friday I was determined not to let this cold beat me and continued to live my life as though I were well. I have found that by doing so has stopped the cold in its tracks. But not this time. After going to my staff party Saturday night I couldn't make it to church the next day. I also had to get a sub in to teach my classes on Monday and Tuesday. I hate being sick. Planning for subs is a lot more work than simply planning my own lessons. And yeah, it meant I still had to work while being at home sick.

Today is Wednesday, and though I felt improved today, still am not 100%. But I was teaching and it felt good to be back.

The thing I hate most about getting sick, beside feeling terrible and having to get a sub, is passing it on to the rest of the family. On Saturday and Sunday Knox also was not feeling well, though he seemed to get over it without getting the brunt of it. Monday Oakley began to show symptoms and Jen is talking about taking her to the doctor tomorrow if she hasn't significantly improved. Declan went to bed feeling badly last night and was up a lot crying. She missed school and dance today, but is determined to make it tomorrow. We'll see. So far Jen is sickness-free and we are all hoping she stays that way, because if she gets it the whole house falls apart.

Pray for us.

The Ten Billion Dollar Question That Was Answered Ten Thousand Years Ago

In case you haven't heard, one scientific research project, that has been in the works for roughly 20 years, and has a price tag of Ten Billion Dollars was put to use for the first time today. While I would seriously question any scientific research project that uses this much money (and who knows how many more are currently being undertaken) this one spent this outlandish amount of money to answer a question that we already know the answer to: How was the world created? My 5 year old daughter could give them the answer, and, while she has no concept of money, I'm certain she would accept the 10 billion dollars for her trouble. Since God created Adam in the Garden of Eden, man has had the answer to this question. How we can build multi-billion dollar machines that send microscopic particles speeding around a tunnel at just under the speed of light and still not be able to comprehend that God created the world is beyond me.

Putting aside the religious argument, I still can't comprehend spending that much money on a science experiment when all around us people go without food or shelter or other basic necessities. Our priorities are so messed up that its difficult for me to do anything but shake my head and say "We deserve the messed up world in which we live."

As if that is not bad enough, it will be another ten years and a lot more money before these same scientist are able to make their machine do what they built it to do. It will be ten more years and a lot more money before these same scientist are able to discover that their machine can't possibly hope to do what they built it to do, because the universe was not created from a big bang. Picture myself shaking my head and muttering "idiots" under my breath.

New Blog Link

I have added to my links the blog I began for school. Rather than repeating ideas both there and here I figured I would link the sites. English is now a big part of my life and I am constantly inspired by what I am teaching the kids. Most of the time I will put those inspirations up on my school blog. If you are interested in those ideas you can sift through the homework reminders and look for these thoughts.

If enough of you out there would like me to post those thoughts, or interesting tid-bits on this site so you don't need to sift, then let me know. It is easy enough to duplicate the post on this site as well. If you would rather I didn't let this site be overtaken by English as my life has (I imagine my wife, for one, is already sick of hearing about school related items) then just remain silent.

It's up to you, faithful readers!

P.S. I put up an interesting YouTube video entitled The Shakespearean Baseball Game on the other blog. If you like Shakespeare, or baseball, check it out.

Video Fixed

For those of you who were unable to watch the video, it has been fixed. Apparently YouTube undergoes periodic maintenance and their videos don't work. Continue to check back if it happens again.

The Cake Song

I began another school related blog for students and parents so that they could keep up to date with homework and tests and things of that nature. It is interesting to see some of the reactions start to roll in. I had one parent call me up today asking what a blog was and why I was using it. I tried to explain the best I could (though it is much easier to 'get it' by looking at one) but at the end of the conversation she still wasn't convinced. It didn't help that I mentioned she would get some more information on it tomorrow because I am having all my students do blogs this year instead of journal writing in class. This applies to every student in ELA, from grade six to grade twelve. There has been a bit of resistance now from students as well as today I was going over internet safety and the ongoing blogging assignment they will have to complete. Basically, I have asked them to, on their own time, complete 2 blog posts a week for the course; they can blog about ANYTHING they like, but the senior highs need some depth of thought. Junior Highs go all year, senior highs are semestered. I spoke with the senior highs about it today, and had decided to search out a variety of blogs to show them so they could get an idea about all the options they have.

By now you may be wondering why this post is called "The Cake Song". Well, last night as I was searching blindly for good blogs to show (by repeatedly hitting the "Next Blog" button at the top of my blog) I came across a blog with a video called "The Cake Song". I thought this would invoke some laughter and help them see just what they can do with a blog. Check it out below if you like stupid, but addicting videos. Ensure you have your volume on and up BEFORE clicking on Play.



It did its job with the students. As funny as you think it is to blast the volume and dance along while you sit in your own home, try to picture 18 senior high students blaring the song from 18 computers, all started at different times. It was a blast! By the end of the class most of them seemed excited to give blogging a try. We'll see how it goes tomorrow as I walk them through setting up their blog and ensuring proper settings.

As for the slow-to-catch-up-with-technology parents, I guess I will have to be patient and hope they are willing to move out of their own comfort zones and out into the wonderful world of the world wide web (or as Homer Simpson calls it "the interweb").

First Day of School

Well, today was the first day of classes for the family and we all survived. I began teaching today--grade 6/7, 9, 10, and 11 English Language Arts. Things went okay. Some kids were a little chatty, and I'm hoping it was just because it was the first day, but I doubt it. That's okay though, I'm excited to be back.

Knox had his first day of grade 2 and Declan had her first day in grade 1. It all went well and they had a great day. Declan has a teacher who is new to the school and is in a portable, but her teacher seems nice and she is looking forward to a full day of school this year.

Jennifer made it through sending Declan to school for a full day and had the day at home with Oakley. She was a bit sad, but had more time in her day not having to go to the school at lunch.

I introduced my classes with a poem by Rudyard Kipling that I thought I would share here as well. It's a beautiful poem that asks us to consider what kind of person we are and how we will live our lives.

"If"

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

By Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936).